Truthy Tuesday: Seeing Ourselves Differently

Is it ever really possible to see yourself as others see you?

Is it possible to think of ourselves without expressing judgement of some-sort?

It might be possible, but it's not something easy to achieve, to distance ourselves from the focus on flaws when our eyes met our own in the mirror.

I've gone thru many changing ideas of my own self image throughout the years. Although I still have a long way to go to see myself as the me I know I am, deep down inside, I'm at least catching glimpses of it more often, recognizing her in little bits and pieces.

I'm starting to see the good stuff and believe in myself more, little by little. And through that alone, I've seen the shift that a change in perspective on my own self can have on my whole experience of the world.

For my whole life, only up until quite recently, I've seen myself as too shy for a lot of the things I wanted to do, too scared to speak up or really share my differences. I've seen myself in this way for so long that it felt like it must be the truth. But lately I've been noticing my actions prove otherwise.

Suddenly I find myself doing all these not so shy things. I'm finding my words and speaking up more for myself. I feel more open then I have in years. I'm doing things on a daily basis that used to freak me out. I'm not that shy, scared little girl anymore, and I'm still wrapping my head around seeing myself as something stronger and braver than who I've identified as for so long.

For most of my childhood life, I didn't consider myself artistic or creative, because I had an incredibly talented best friend who could draw and was so naturally free in so many ways. I thought "I'm not artistic, cause I'm not like her! :(" I didn't consider all my talents and hobbies artistic at all, even though looking back now I can see I was an incredibly creative kid. It really took me getting into photography and writing more in college, and then ending up working for myself being creative every single day, just to prove to myself that I am artistic, I am creative, and I do have good ideas.

I used to hate my curls so much I got my hair chemically relaxed and would blow dry it out stick straight in high school and into early college. That is until the chemicals burned the right side of my hair off! Once it grew back though, I was back on the relaxer again. Not until I moved to Portland did I stop destroying my hair!

I was petrified of being seen as "other", as "different". Although I thrive on being recognized as an individual, when I was younger I also felt so compelled to be accepted and fit-in. Still now, I do let my curls go crazy, but I tend to pull my hair back- reign in the lioness quality of it, because sometimes it feels almost too fierce. Too "look at me!". Too confident. And I'm still getting used to seeing myself as someone like that.

I could go on and on about all the things I used to/still do consider flaws, but I won't- because, I've learned that that's really the whole battle right there -- learning how to talk to ourselves differently.

Learning to let go of our own flaws and foibles, and just accept that they're part of who we are, as we do for other people we care about. Learning to approach ourselves with less judgement, so that we can also practice less judgement against others.

And I think that's where the fear lies really- the fear to be our real, raw, full selves - it's a fear of being judged. And it's so ingrained in us because we ourselves are judgemental. And like Jen said in her post last week, the best place to start practicing less judgement is to ourselves.

I think to start shifting our self image is simple really:

1. Be kind to yourself. Notice when you're judging yourself and change the sentence to something more positive.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is judgement. Put it on the back-burner and just say fuck 'em!

3. Start believing the good stuff. You know, all those nice and wonderful things people say that you slough off and push away? The things you notice in yourself that surprise you. The good feedback, kind words, compliments. Believe them. Let yourself take them in.

4. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. The further you go beyond it, the more your self image can start to grow beyond the limitations you've placed on yourself, simply by how you see yourself.

I'm practicing all 4, all the time, but it's a work in progress.

What about you- how do you see yourself differently now, then in the past? Where else would you like to shift your self image toward the positive?

{This is part of our Truthy Tuesday series over at The Maven Circle, where we openly share our struggles and thoughts around a different topic each week. Join us in getting truthy on your own blog, and we'll link up and spread the love!}

Comments

[Krystle]

I also label myself as a "shy girl". Unless I know you well, you probably won't see my outgoing side. When I'm around friends though, I become this fun, loud, incredibly sassy girl, and I like that side of me.

Since becoming a business owner, I've had to do a lot of things outside my comfort zone in order to create the business that I want. Even though it scares the hell out of me sometimes, I do things anyway because I can see the big picture and what I need to do to achieve my goals. As I do more things out of my comfort zone I feel more and more connected to this outgoing girl inside.

You struck a cord when you said to focus more on being kind to myself and stop comparing myself to others. I think if I can focus on those tips I'll be able to break down even more "shy" walls that I've created over the years. :)

[Ericka]

This entry totally could have be written by me. I'm 100% right there with you as I am slowly coming into my own later in my life and finding my words. I'm slowly coming out of my comfort zone and realizing it ain't half bad. I'm starting to get used to doing the things that would have given me anxiety in the past. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to come out of hiding and live life because for the most part it is safe on the other side. :)

[Fashions Your Way]

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[Liz]

I've been meaning to comment on this since you posted it! I can definitely relate. I hated my hair when I was younger and used to dye it different colors & straighten it in high school. At some point between high school and college I decided to just let it be, but I didn't really start to appreciate it until a few years after that. I still have issues with my hair and my looks sometimes, but I'm so glad that the days of burning my forehead with a flat iron are behind me!
I've also always considered myself to be shy. In some ways I've become more brave as I've gotten older, but in some ways I'm more in my shell than I was when I was in my twenties. I put myself out of my comfort zone, but then end up beating myself up afterwards for something I did or didn't do. So I'm working on all of those things, trying to make peace with myself and be kinder to myself. Like you said, it's a work in progress!

And just for the record, your hair looks fierce whether it's up or down!