Truthy Tuesday: My Deep Seeded Need to Get Along With Everyone

It's funny, as I'm sitting here, alone, writing this post, I feel a dichotomy within me that is one half super anti-social, opinionated and doesn't give a crap what anyone else thinks, and the other half a pretty appeasing and pleasant person who only wants to not rock the boat.

Despite my fiercely independent and hermity nature, when it comes to actual social situations with a person in front of me, I'm all pleasantries- all I want to do is get along, be friendly, have a great conversation, keep everything cool.

Somewhere at my very base is a deep yearning to not necessarily be liked by everyone, but to be accepted by them.

I'm an only child and was raised to be very independent minded and have always felt different than everyone else. I think that's where some of the anti-socialness comes in- I've spent more time alone than with any other single person in the world, so I'm pretty self-aware and have been since I can remember.

In kiddom, that made me terribly shy. I didn't feel like others could understand where I was coming from, wouldn't "get" me, so I became very afraid to speak up. I desperately wanted to fit in, rather than being singled out as I already felt I was, and voicing my thoughts and opinions didn't seem the best way to go about that.

In many ways, I've been afraid to let people know what I think because I don't want them to disagree with me, and in some respects, I don't want to have to defend or argue about something I already know for myself to be true.

So I opted for agreeable most times, sacrificing my own opinions quite a bit, in an effort to get along with everyone. That only child inside really just wanted to connect and be accepted by others.

But in my adult life, I've realized more and more, as I've built up the courage to do it more and more, that expressing my point of view is not necessarily a disagreeable quality. That I can have an opinion and ideas and ways of doing things that others might find strange, but that doesn't mean I can't still get along with them!

And most recently, maybe only during my short stint in my 30s so far, I'm finally realizing that the more open I am with expressing myself, and my ideas, the more it actually draws people to me.

The more open I am, the more open it allows others to feel around me.

The more open I am, the easier it is to get along with just about anyone.

Because at the base of it, we're all just humans who want to be understood and accepted. And if you can connect on that level, I think you can get along no matter what differences in your backgrounds or beliefs.

Underneath the "I don't need anyone else and people are stupid" kind of attitude I can sometimes take on (who, me?) the deep down truth of it is- I really do want to get along with everyone! I want to know and connect with and learn from everyone I meet! I (and this is a hard sentence for me to choke out) need people.

I don't know if it's immature to think this (it's definitely cheesy tho), but deep down, I just want to be everyone's friend. I want to be a kind smile, a laugh, support, an ear, an inspiration, a highlight to your day.

I want to get along with people because life seems to flow so much better that way- it feels easier, happier and more connected. I realize now that I don't have to sacrifice my individuality to do so, and that maybe, by honing in more and more to who I uniquely am, the better I'm able to understand and get along with others.

{This is part of our Truthy Tuesday series over at The Maven Circle, where we openly share our struggles and thoughts around a different topic each week. Join us in getting truthy on your own blog, and we'll link up and spread the love!}

What do you think? Do you have a need to get along with everyone? Have you ever sacrificed your personal opinion just to get along? Does getting along not matter that much to you? I'd love to hear your thoughts on it all!

Comments

[amy k]

I could've written that myself. I totally hear you, commend you, want to be your friend ...

[Miss Modish]

Aw, thank you so much! You are so sweet to say that. Big virtual hug to you, Amy!!

[Dedrick]

I think a lot of people feel like this, with a struggle between wanting something for the self and wanting to work with people. My favorite book on working with people is the book Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson et al. It really explores the dynamics of communication and also supports the "agree to disgree" approach, where getting along doesn't always mean seeing eye-to-eye.

Whether striking out independently or talking things over with others, I hope it all leads to whatever happiness feels like to you.

[betsy]

Yep, we're so similar. I loved this post, Jena.

[Gigi]

Going along to get along or changing who and how you are around other people will kill you spiritually.We all crave acceptance but it can only come when people can see the real you. I know because I learn the hard way about wanting to be everyone's friend or people pleasing.I learn to accept who and how I was and let the conversation flow and thus far it has worked. I really enjoyed reading this entry.