Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

We interrupt this Kitty Photo Friday for a round of juicy secrets instead!

Last night I read this post by Erin, of Design for Mankind, about the "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You" and immediately felt the need to write a post of my own. I think I'm kind of getting more of a thrill out of doing things that scare me these days.

Her post is part of an awesome challenge started by Ez, of Creature Comforts, (inspired by this awesome post by Jess LC) in an effort to combat the perfection-laden land that the blogosphere inhabits, and perpetuates!

I think it's natural to only want to share the good stuff, the brighter side of our lives. It's not easy to put out there, for literally all the world to see, our struggles, our failures, our flaws, our fears.

But that leads to most blogs becoming only one side of the story. I think they are true representations of a blogger's life, but they're only a few chapters from our entire book. Only the stuff we want to share. And feel comfortable sharing to a world full of strangers, judgement and opinion.

I've been really trying to open up over the past year about the realities of my not so good stuff, tho, because I think it's important. I've shared issues I've had around competition and stress & anxiety, about getting super overwhelmed, facing a huge fear...

It's awfully scary at first to put that stuff out there, but it has felt liberating to be more open and real and honest in this space here.

So, I'm all over this challenge. Here are a few things I feel sceered to tell you!

• I doubt myself
  I doubt pretty much every decision I make right before I make it, and then again right after. And then some more. If I don't have scads of positive feedback about something, I think it sucks. I've put up posts that I thought were cool but didn't get any comments on and felt like no one liked them and deleted them. Which brings up another doubt that anyone is out there listening at all, or liking what I'm saying at all?
  FUCK DOUBT.

• I'm an out of control perfectionist with my work
  (...and some other stuff) I check, and double check, and change, and triple check, and change some more, and check again. I read over everything I write til my eyes cross before I'll publish it and then FREAK OUT if I notice a typo or something later. It's annoying and paralyzing and makes everything take a long ass time.
  FUCK PERFECTIONISM.

• I'm in debt
  Credit card debt. Much of which is from not paying any quarterly taxes all year long and ending up owing $XXXX come tax time and having only $XX in my savings- I paid my taxes on a credit card 3 years in a row and am still paying them off. Which means I'm also a bad bookkeeper. (I paid in quarterly finally this past year- 3 lessons learned later!) We also have some mega emergency vet bills that went on a CC, and if we were to have another pricey emergency we'd have to use a CC. I worry about being able to ever get out from under it.
  FUCK CREDIT CARDS.

• I'm procrastination station
  I seriously can't seem to get anything done unless it's at the last possible minute. I start most projects on the day they're DUE. On the one hand, it almost feels like I need the pressure in order to perform at my best, but I think I only say that as an excuse to keep doing it. Mostly, it stresses me out, makes things harder, makes me late for everything, makes me push deadlines. I've been doing it since little kiddom, it feels so ingrained that it's gonna be a hell of a habit to break.
  FUCK "I'LL DO IT LATER."

• I feel pangs of jealousy...
  ...whenever a blogger publishes a book. I wanna publish a book! And I will! Someday. Problem is, I wish I had already published one. I want to already be doing book tours and speaking and have all my dreams come true, like now, when I see other people doing what I want to be doing. I know everything happens at it's own pace and have gotten better at getting distance from those jealous thoughts when they creep in, but creep they do. I also don't hang out on social media much, or read other blogs much (I mostly read during research for clients, actually!) for the same reason.
  FUCK COMPARISON.

• I like to cuss in real life
  FUCK YES.

• I worry about what you think of me
  Yes, you. I'm worried about if you think my writing is interesing, if you think I'm interesting. I'm worried about your criticism, your judgement. I'm worried about offending you, of you never coming back. I'm worried about coming off as too "life is perfect", as blogs tend to do, or that I might sound preachy and annoying. I'm worried about whether or not you'd want to work with me, or if you think I'm doing a good job. I'm worried that I've scared some of you off with the changes here. I'm worried that I come off as a flake, because I change things up so much and am very slowly honing in on exactly what I'm meant to do. I'm worried about you not understanding me, or what I'm putting out there.
  FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.

Well, that's about all the secrets I can share in one post- phew!

I think the more we all open up with one another, the more we'll find we're not so different, afterall.

Are you going to participate in the challenge? I have to say, writing this felt pretty dang good! Hitting publish on the otherhand... (bracing for it!)

<3 jena

Comments

[Michele]

Who knew you were a real person.I thought you were perfect-so glad to know you are just like me.Yay! I had you on a pedestal-whew!I don't have to do that anymore.Eff'that!lol!

[Sarah]

I've been reading your blog for years and I have to say that when you decided to change things up again and focus more on your business I was a little disappointed. However, since then your blog has gotten more "real" and I've really enjoyed it. This post in particular was really great. Thanks for being awesome and inspirational and true to yourself.

[drsmoothdeath]

Love this my Dear!! I love anything you write with "da realness", definitely hard to put that stuff out there.

[erin loechner]

Ohhh I love this, Jena --- you are a wonderwoman. And that book deal? That is SO going to happen for you. I feel it.

[Betsy Carr]

Ha! It's like I wrote this for myself. Thank you for writing this down.

[Violet]

Jena, we could almost be twins! I completely feel you and relate to most of your things- in fact, I could basically copy and paste the 'doubt' and 'perfectionist' parts for myself! About the CC debt, look up Dave Ramsey- he is helping us WIPE OUT all of our ridiculous debt. And it feels fantastic!

I'll just say it right now- don't worry about what others think of you, b/c you are awesome! I'm so glad to have found you and your blog ;)

[Nikki]

Wow! What a brave and inspiring post Jena! I have followed your blog for a couple of years now and love it! I admit, sometimes I couldn't look at your blog because I was so envious(silly I know) but I grew up and decided to take inspiration from it instead. I find some blogs a little dreamy and out of touch and like you mentioned "life is perfect" and we all know that isn't true but I always enjoy your colorful posts. Keep up the good work missus! :)

[Miss Modish]

haha, eff that pedestal indeed! I'm down here in the trenches right with ya ;)

[Elisabeth]

I'm in love with these truth baring posts! Knowing there are real people with real lives behind the blog curtain, as opposed to unrealistically pitch perfect supastars, helps me to connect with you and your writing that much more. Fuck Yeah! Great post. :)

[debbie]

i LOVE this post! and love how ez keeps updating the list of those participating {i've read every one on the list!} your words resonate with me... preach on!

[Miss Modish]

Wow! & phew!! I seriously was scared to put some of this out there. Thanks for all your comments and encouragement!! We all have struggles, that's fo' sho!

[JLVerde]

This challenge is so fun. My number one pet peeve with the crafty type blogs are how PERFECT they all appear to be. It's irritating as hell. (oops, swore there--I have a mouth like a sailor so your admission to having a potty mouth made me smile).

[Cookoorikoo]

FUCKING. LOVE. IT.

[Amy]

FUCK YEAH! I love shaking my fist in the air at my problems and telling them to fuck off as well. Nice job, Jena! I have a feeling I would love you and we'd get along swimmingly in real-life, as I have some of the same issues. And don't worry what anyone thinks! Having the confidence to even post these thoughts shows you have more balls than 99% of the internet, which means you're more bad-ass than anyone negative.

[Drunkliterature]

RIGHT ON, Jena!!! I am so on board with you for about 90% of that list (I, alas, am not THAT much of a perfectionist)! I love this meme that's going around the blogs-- it's great to see fellow bloggers be so honest.

[Miss Modish]

hahaaha!! YES!

[Trude]

Preach it! Fuck yes to actually cursing. I'm getting better at doing that once in a while on my blog, somehow it feels like cursing in church or something, y'know? :) And I'm in the same boat with paying off debt. I cut up all my CCs in 2010 and things have been a little scary at times, but it feels so much better. I can't wait til I'm all paid off!

[emily rose]

This post makes me like you EVEN MORE.

[Juanita]

OH this is fucking great. I relate to you on *all* but one point, sort of. (I still owe my mum my college tuition.)
Fuck doubt. Fucking do it now. Fuck comparison. Fuck perfectionism. Fuck what others think.

Might steal this idea for my blog. That would be a great way to scare more people away. But who fucking cares? :D

[Miss Modish]

I LOVE YOU ALL!!

[Christen]

Rock on!!!

[Glade]

Fuck Yes!

[Melissa @ Bubby & Bean]

As I said on Twitter, I absolutely love this, and feel like I relate to you on so many levels. I already felt this way via our email conversations, but now it is solidified. Thank you for your sweet comment - I wish we lived closer so we could hang and talk doggies too. :)

P.S. Fucking fuck yeah, motherfucker.

[Julia @ The Spotted Sparrow]

FUCK YEAH!!! I fucking swear way too fucking much too, shi-iiii-iit. None of us is perfect and that's what makes us fan-fuckin-tastic. Perfect people are boring! Don't be scared. We're just like you - we love other people's quirks but are terrified of showing people ours. <3

[jen neitzel]

Gah! This is so great! I absolutely LOVE it! I just finished my post about the things I'm afraid to tell you. We have a couple of similar items and a number of different ones. Thanks for the inspiration!

[addie]

Thanks for sharing and putting yourself out there. Love your blog.

[Amber Snow]

Best post ever. Sorry, best FUCKING post ever :) Since you love feedback, thought I'd throw in my two cents.

[Sandra]

I feel EXACTLY the same way... I never would have thought.

[Miss Modish]

You guys are the BEST!! I seriously can't take all the awesomeness. I've been responding to ya'll via email, I so appreciate hearing from you!

[Simplemittens]

I think I'm right on board with all of these! Love the honesty!!

[Mo]

Fuck'n awesome. Thanks for sharing the things you were afraid to tell us!

[Alyssa]

Hi Jena! Awesome post! I share so many of these struggles with you- it sounds like a lot of us do!! It's reassuring to know that so many people go through this same shit! It's also inspiring to know that despite all these pestering struggles you have chosen to challenge yourself and grow instead of sinking in defeat! You really do a great job here- I'm an aspiring small biz owner and I find your blog so encouraging! Thanks a million for sharing, I really admire your work!
:D

[Lisa]

Fuck. That was an awesome post. Been a subscriber for awhile now...catching up on reading now and again...
Realized it was kitty photo Friday...and got this astonishing authentic read about you.

THAT is the voice that will sell books.

[Lisa]

ps I just shared your post on my FB page. :)

[julz]

Fuck all of those thoughts and feelings that only hold us back! I love your honesty. and I love having you in my life! YOU ARE GREAT! No doubt you will make all of your dreams come true ;)

[anna]

I love this. We all have flaws and imperfect lives. But sometimes reading around the blogosphere I forget that reality and start to feel inferior at what everyone else is doing, how well dressed and fit they always are, how glittering their homes are, and how they find the time to take so many cute pics of themselves, their lives, their families and their DIY projects. It's good to be reminded that we're all human.

[Amanda]

Jenna thank you so much for opening up your fears to us. I have been a fan of yours for a number of years now and to know a little more about you, the real, honest, brave you is such an honour. It amazes me just how much we all feel the same! I think its good to be reminded of that! Thank you again!

I have written my own response to these posts. You can read it here if you like: http://www.amandafullerblog.com/2012/05/things-im-afraid-to-tell-you.html

[Naomi]

Writing this felt good for you, reading it feels good and right to me. Fuck comparison, perfectionism, doubt, and procrastination. Fuck all that! It's amazing how much in common we all share once we come out with it. And if you think about it, we all still carry on. We're not 'less than' or 'not as good as'... we're just us. And we wait until the last minute to do something, and we compare our lives with those we see online and get depressed, and we make mountains out of ant hills, and we doubt ourselves every step of the way. Why the fuck not?:)

[sillylittlelady]

Love love love it Jena, I'll be sharing my own secrets and fears on my blog too - not that I wanna, but I gotta haha. Very inspiring post and I'm so glad that you wrote it and I read it, feels good on both ends of that equation.

[Joy]

Jena,

Two words: Thank You.

Hugs!

[Down and Out Chic]

Two words for you, "fuck yeah!" love your honestly and the use of the "f" word made me chuckle.

[Jo]

SO identified with a lot of this and... you're very brave for putting it out there. A friend once said to me, 'you swear beautifully Jo'. I thought, 'yeah! I do'. sometimes there is nothing fucking better than a good piece of grammatical emphasis. Really identified with your last one; worried about what people think. Its my life challenge.
x

[Kerry]

Jena!!! This is amazing!!!! I actually read through all of these posts that Ez linked to the other night and was blown away. I am happy that you decided to join in too. What amazes me the most is that we all have so much on common with each other. I related to so many of the things that people were afraid to say. Finally "comparison" had a positive effect.

Happy to be in touch and I think you rock!

[Arianne]

Just popping in to be supportive, you know I think you're awesome. Way to go for writing this! As long as you're being adventurous with your life, you're winning - no worries about what everyone else is doing!

[Colleen / Inspired to Share]

This made me smile so much. You are awesome and thanks for your honesty. I participated as well. :) xo

[Elvan]

You are not alone there and now I know that I am not alone here in Istanbul.
see, you have fans everywhere

[E]

First off, I adore your honesty.

I've heard somewhere that we can use jealousy as a tool to show us what we really want in life. It's only a matter of time before you get to accomplish the things you want.

A lot of what you wrote is currently keeping me from becoming a blogger. I am a mega perfectionist, I'm scared of criticism and I'm worried all my good ideas will be stolen. This post has given me the push I need to say fuck it! I don't want these issues to keep me from doing what I know I'm meant to do.

[Acanthus Nichole]

It's so funny how these posts were spreading like wild fire as we were discussing some of these topics at lunch! Synchronicity indeed! I've personally letting the "pretty rainbows and butterflies" of the blogging world make me feel like crap lately since I essentially have a fucked up house, lame wardrobe and general chaotic lifestyle. It helps so much to hear the bloggers and biz peeps whom I admire, and whose successes I strive to live up to are experiencing some of the same issues as me behind the scenes. I think we all know this is true, but forget or choose not to acknowledge it because we get caught in the comparison TRAP-ola.

I echo the "FUCK ____" call on all of the above!
xo

[Keri Ann]

Thank you for posting! It is always nice to feel you're not alone. I'm going to try to let all the silly, mind-bogging concerns go by the wayside, as well. Your blog always inspires me creatively, but today's post was a major mental inspiration that came along at a perfect time.

[aimee]

jena, you are an inspiration in almost EVERY way. to have the courage to be out there, and continually honing on what you were made to do is stinkin' awesome! i'm not going anywhere!! i love what you've been posting about lately. and when you are more yourself on a blog (you in general), it makes me respect you that much more! keep it up!!

[Jessica]

Thank you for sharing. Your blog has really been an inspiration to me in the past few months, especially when so many blogs are about cute stuff for sale. Your blog was always awesome, but now I feel that the work you're doing can really help people turn their lives around and it is motivating a similar focus in my own writing. So thank you.

[Brian]

Hi, there! I've subscribed to your blog in Google Reader for a while now, yet I rarely read it or click links to visit your site. That makes me worry about what you'll think of me for commenting. But...

I feel compelled to say something, being that I share your feelings of hatred for

1) my obstinate perfectionism
2) my mis-directed feelings of jealousy
3) my fear of judgment from others

I think I need to write a bare-all post like this, because this...this right here...just forced me to read through every blog post of yours I've gone without. Thank you for writing this!

[Brenda]

Jena..So happy I am not the only self doubting potty mouth who stands at the vet clinic's desk handing over my credit card for the kids in fur suits...oh and someone else baring their secrets mentioned mounds of pet hair under the sofa...I have been gathering it up to put out so the birds can line their nests..that is how much there is. We all have dirty little secrets, that is why we are so eff'in awesome!!

[Miss Modish]

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. READERS. EVER.

Sorry, best FUCKING readers. Ever. ;)

[Mariella]

Oh my, thank you so so much, it's good not to feel alone...and thanks to who invented this challenge since the blogosphere was indeed becoming a too perfect place for such an imperfect human being as I am

[Laura.]

I JUST FUCKING LOVE YOU.

[Emily]

I have been reading these posts all morning and I just want to say I think yours felt the most real to me. Everyone is putting themselves out there, but I can relate to what you say the most. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being a fucking inspiration.

[Meg (MIMI+MEG)]

Well Fuck! :) Great post! Doing wave #2 of this w/ a bunch of bloggers on Monday. Should be fun!

[Elizabeth Rosemond]

I'm officially a new reader. You had me at FUCK.

[Kris]

That was awesome!

[colleen attara]

I so completely love this and share so many of your true confessions. Wish we could share a glass of wine and toast to your bravery!

[Miss Modish]

Thanks so much, Colleen! I appreciate that- and sharing a glass of wine someday definitely could happen! Big hugs :)

[Naomi Wallis]

Love this chat and LOVE your blog. Thank you so much for sharing! You'll be pleased to know that I have done something called a 'Fuck it' retreat where we say eff it to lots of things and just be happy with who and where we are right here, right now. So liberating! Google it....'The fuck it life' Enjoy!

[Sharyn]

I loved reading this, Jena. I don't recall reading it last year, though I have been following you for a few years now. I expect the reason why I can't recall is because I was right in my 'procrastinate and extreme fear' phase that occurred shortly after I started my own blog and biz. I still have my ups and downs, but thanks to people like you, I know that I am not alone in how I feel!